Get A Life: The Most Annoying Guy on the Internet
It’s everywhere. The phrase that pisses me off, regardless of where I see it, or who it was directed to: “Get a life”.
I don’t do a lot of random interacting on the net. I send the occasional patch and make bug reports. I don’t comment on every blog or YouTube video out there, so I don’t think I’ve ever been on the receiving end of “get a life”.
I’ve read it a lot, though, and every time I see those three words, I want to punch a huge fucking hole through my monitor.
Spend some free time on an interesting hack, like rigging an Etch-a-sketch to a synthesizer?
Don’t post video on the web. Get A Life will stop by and let everybody know you’ve dedicated he last 6 years to something “useless”, while locked up in your parent’s basement. You should probably take a step into the real world, get some sun, and finally meet some girls. Homo.
On a YouTube video titled something like Nine Inch Nails ruins Johnny Cash [RIP], someone points out that Johnny Cash covered Nine Inch Nails.
“Get a life, loser, it’s just a song.”
I’ve seen a guy post a page of code on a support list, asking for a critique. A highly respected author and professor points out his beginner mistakes in a friendly way. Response?
“This isn’t going to be running a nuclear reactor. Get a life.”
What is wrong with this guy? It’s not like an anonymous crusader was scouring the internet for bad code to bitch about.
Every reference to Guitar Hero on the internet gets a visit from Get A Life, who instructs the entire audience to learn to play a real guitar. Get A Life usually has 80 posts in the Tony Hawk forum, probably telling people to get a life, go outside, and learn to skateboard.
Get A Life spends a lot of time at IMDB, saying things like “Those of you rating You Got Served so low need to get a life because you don’t know how hard it is to do what they do.”
The best ones? The completely unprovoked bullshit on technical articles. A blogger writes two pages describing methods to implement closures in a virtual machine or how to calibrate flux capacitors.
First comment? “get a life. - anonymous @ 2:35 PM”
What are these people like in the real world? At a supermarket?
“Excuse me, you dropped a dollar bill.”
“Haha, why would you think I’d need that dollar bill? Unlike you, I have a real job. Take it so you’ll have something to keep you from getting your ass beat the next time someone wants your milk money. Get a life.”
I just wish I could just see the expression on his face as he broadcasts such an asinine remark to the world.
I imagine him lounging on a 70-foot corporate yacht, covered in sunscreen, drinking martinis with two of his supermodel girlfriends at his side. He takes a break from running his multi-national corporation in The Real World, and dials his Blackberry to one random URL a day. He dispenses his advise, and tries to find a way to toss a nickel through the internet. He rolls on the floor laughing to his private dojo where he spars with his dad, who can beat up your dad.
A few years ago I was writing a comment system for a blog/forum-type software. I had the (awesome) idea of adding a menu next to each comment where users could apply tags that corresponded to the most common, annoying internet clichés. If enough users selected “Get A Life Guy” next to a comment, its background image would change to something mildly insulting, and a link would be inserted pointing to a profile page about the prototypical “Get A Life” guy. Just to say “Here’s how common you are, we have a template set up for people like you.”
That profile page would’ve probably read a lot like this rant.
